Earlier this year Keith and I were talking about selling the house and moving. Naturally I wanted to stay in Cabbagetown; there wasn't even a hint in my mind of not being in Toronto.
Many of the things I love about Canada are those that are so different to South Africa. There should be a Facebook or Huffington post called "Things I love about Canada that are different to South Africa:"
- not having a car for the first 4 and a half years of our local life,
- walking to the movies,
- crackheads and a weird, very tall lady with fishnets and short shorts (you can really see everything),
- buying milk from Domingo at the corner convenience store,
- buying meat from Mark the butcher,
- Bulldog coffee,
- riding my bike to gym and pretty much everywhere else because Toronto is a flat city,
- high speed internet,
- the sense of community in Cabbagetown,
- the dog park,
- the friends we've made at the dog park,
- noise,
- lots of other things.
The above mentioned post could also be named "Things I love about Toronto that are different to the County".
Keith has often been found surfing the net for properties on the water; it's always been his dream.
I've often spoken about the desire to "give it all up" and leave a job that has, over the past few years, become more frustrating than stimulating. I've dreamed of the doggy daycare, the coffee shop and becoming a dive instructor in Thailand. We all do it, few of us try it and even fewer succeed at it.
So I wasn't surprised when Keith suggested we look at homes in the Prince Edward County area, a beautiful half-island two hours east of Toronto that is much like Stellenbosch in the Cape. I happened to be going to Kingston, a city close to the County, and Keith decided to go with me and check things out. And he fell in love. And I didn't pay much attention to it.
Keith and I rarely fight. In the beginning of our relationship I avoided fighting because I thought that it would lead to a breakup which is not optimal in my mind as that would mean having to train a new partner. Keith would say that the opposite holds more truth but I could argue that my training is yet to be completed. There he would undoubtedly agree (reference this morning's interaction when I was told once again, for the trillionth time, that there was mud everywhere from the dogs' feet). Over time we have learned to fight and that has lead to very constructive communication except when we sell a house. And that happens often enough because Keith gets bored and change is fun. Changing house is one of the most stressful times because we don't seem to convey our messages appropriately and so there is a lot of scorpion snide remarking and sagittarian cloud-living. This time seems to have been worse than any others because suddenly I was faced with a move out of Toronto and I didn't like it. I love Toronto, my soul resonates with the city; I have felt a belonging here since the day I first arrived and I'm not talking about the day I emigrated, I am talking about December 1991.
I couldn't decide if I wanted to move to the County, I was drawn to its beauty and the idea of the idyllic life and yet tied to the city. That lack of ability to make a decision caused more friction. We spent a few more weekends driving back and forth looking at homes. I remember when I started telling people that we were moving to Canada, the first thing they would say was "but what about the weather?". Similarly when I told people about a possible move to the County I would be told "oh, you will be so lonely, wait till winter (the weather is very important in Canada)" and it hit me that people are often very quick to warn you, from their perspective, about the mistakes you are about to make instead of supporting you in a decision irrespective that it may or may not be the best one. I realise that people want the best for us, and it's not that I didn't feel supported, and that our friend's were sad that we would be far away, but sometimes the wishes seemed to be accompanied by a caveat.
I always tell my friends that I would support any decision even those that I didn't necessarily agree with because I truly understand that how their decisions are not mine and so who am I to not be supportive? I can say without a shadow of a doubt that even with the warnings, I felt the support. I am surrounded by incredible friends. Keith was getting more and more frustrated with me, and I know that he really wanted to try this out, and finally I sat down and made a list of pro's and con's and decided that we would make the move. The pro's list was long, the con's short and I thought to myself that this may just be the closest I would ever get to that coffee shop or dive instructor gig in Thailand. We agreed that the worst that could happen would be a "shit, let's move back". And knowing that we've taken bigger risks than this, and are lucky enough to do it, we did. And people were saying "you're living the dream". Within 24 hours of that decision the deal was done.
We move to the County in August. We were supposed to send the dogs to the kennels and spend a night at a hotel nearby but Tyson developed an eye infection and I wanted to keep a (healthy) eye on him so Keith stayed at the hotel and the dogs and I spent the night in an empty house on the floor. The house is beautiful, it's no bigger or smaller than any home we've lived in but the property is huge. We have rolling green lawn, a vegetable garden and we walk right down to the water that is often more ocean-like than the fresh water lake it is. The water is like glass in the mornings, crystal clear and flat and waves crash against the rocks during a storm. Tyson and Troy spend their hours wandering around a fence-less property, rolling and running but always staying within the invisible boundary. Friends come and go, instead of a lunch here or a dinner there we have sleepovers, and dogs visit too. The internet sucks. I will say no more on this issue.
In the few months since we moved I have hated living here and I have loved living here. "Things I don't like about living in the County":
- the need to drive anywhere to get anything,
- driving to the gym,
- internet (or lack thereof - I lied about saying no more),
- not being able to wander down the street,
- (the lack of) people.
A huge part of my life is still in Toronto; work, doctors, dentist, friends, restaurants and these all keep me going back and forth. A huge part of my life is in the County; Keith, Tyson and Troy.
I have learned that the grass is not greener on the other side. I have learned that the grass was green in Toronto. I have learned that only a select few of us will ever become successful at "the dream" but that we will always continue to dream. I've learned that pro's and con's lists are theoretical until experienced for real.
Today I realised that I was actually pretty happy here. And I realised that I was happy because the house is full of people. I went to the gym, got myself a coffee and came home to contractors doing work. They are a sociable, fun bunch of guys. They sing (badly) to the radio, they accept Tyson's supervisory activities, they stop to chat and they fill the house and our space. It is this that makes the difference. It is this that makes my day. I miss living in Toronto. I miss living in Cabbagetown. But if I had never left South Africa I would not have had Cabbagetown in Toronto. And if we had not moved to the County I would not have known how amazing that is. In 8 short years I have lived on 4 different streets and in two different cities. I have met people and made friends. I have experienced more than I could have, had we have stayed in one spot. There are never regrets; I know I will always look back and enjoy the memories of each experience.
I don't know if we will stay or not. I don't think it really matters. My #fwp (first world problems) may seem dire to me, but I know that as long as I am surrounded by people I will be OK. And I know for sure that I am surrounded by incredible people. I know that as long as Keith, Tyson and Troy are nearby we will always be OK.
And I know that one day I will look back and know for sure that I did live the dream.
42.3
Keith and I rarely fight. In the beginning of our relationship I avoided fighting because I thought that it would lead to a breakup which is not optimal in my mind as that would mean having to train a new partner. Keith would say that the opposite holds more truth but I could argue that my training is yet to be completed. There he would undoubtedly agree (reference this morning's interaction when I was told once again, for the trillionth time, that there was mud everywhere from the dogs' feet). Over time we have learned to fight and that has lead to very constructive communication except when we sell a house. And that happens often enough because Keith gets bored and change is fun. Changing house is one of the most stressful times because we don't seem to convey our messages appropriately and so there is a lot of scorpion snide remarking and sagittarian cloud-living. This time seems to have been worse than any others because suddenly I was faced with a move out of Toronto and I didn't like it. I love Toronto, my soul resonates with the city; I have felt a belonging here since the day I first arrived and I'm not talking about the day I emigrated, I am talking about December 1991.
I couldn't decide if I wanted to move to the County, I was drawn to its beauty and the idea of the idyllic life and yet tied to the city. That lack of ability to make a decision caused more friction. We spent a few more weekends driving back and forth looking at homes. I remember when I started telling people that we were moving to Canada, the first thing they would say was "but what about the weather?". Similarly when I told people about a possible move to the County I would be told "oh, you will be so lonely, wait till winter (the weather is very important in Canada)" and it hit me that people are often very quick to warn you, from their perspective, about the mistakes you are about to make instead of supporting you in a decision irrespective that it may or may not be the best one. I realise that people want the best for us, and it's not that I didn't feel supported, and that our friend's were sad that we would be far away, but sometimes the wishes seemed to be accompanied by a caveat.
I always tell my friends that I would support any decision even those that I didn't necessarily agree with because I truly understand that how their decisions are not mine and so who am I to not be supportive? I can say without a shadow of a doubt that even with the warnings, I felt the support. I am surrounded by incredible friends. Keith was getting more and more frustrated with me, and I know that he really wanted to try this out, and finally I sat down and made a list of pro's and con's and decided that we would make the move. The pro's list was long, the con's short and I thought to myself that this may just be the closest I would ever get to that coffee shop or dive instructor gig in Thailand. We agreed that the worst that could happen would be a "shit, let's move back". And knowing that we've taken bigger risks than this, and are lucky enough to do it, we did. And people were saying "you're living the dream". Within 24 hours of that decision the deal was done.
We move to the County in August. We were supposed to send the dogs to the kennels and spend a night at a hotel nearby but Tyson developed an eye infection and I wanted to keep a (healthy) eye on him so Keith stayed at the hotel and the dogs and I spent the night in an empty house on the floor. The house is beautiful, it's no bigger or smaller than any home we've lived in but the property is huge. We have rolling green lawn, a vegetable garden and we walk right down to the water that is often more ocean-like than the fresh water lake it is. The water is like glass in the mornings, crystal clear and flat and waves crash against the rocks during a storm. Tyson and Troy spend their hours wandering around a fence-less property, rolling and running but always staying within the invisible boundary. Friends come and go, instead of a lunch here or a dinner there we have sleepovers, and dogs visit too. The internet sucks. I will say no more on this issue.
In the few months since we moved I have hated living here and I have loved living here. "Things I don't like about living in the County":
- the need to drive anywhere to get anything,
- driving to the gym,
- internet (or lack thereof - I lied about saying no more),
- not being able to wander down the street,
- (the lack of) people.
A huge part of my life is still in Toronto; work, doctors, dentist, friends, restaurants and these all keep me going back and forth. A huge part of my life is in the County; Keith, Tyson and Troy.
I have learned that the grass is not greener on the other side. I have learned that the grass was green in Toronto. I have learned that only a select few of us will ever become successful at "the dream" but that we will always continue to dream. I've learned that pro's and con's lists are theoretical until experienced for real.
Today I realised that I was actually pretty happy here. And I realised that I was happy because the house is full of people. I went to the gym, got myself a coffee and came home to contractors doing work. They are a sociable, fun bunch of guys. They sing (badly) to the radio, they accept Tyson's supervisory activities, they stop to chat and they fill the house and our space. It is this that makes the difference. It is this that makes my day. I miss living in Toronto. I miss living in Cabbagetown. But if I had never left South Africa I would not have had Cabbagetown in Toronto. And if we had not moved to the County I would not have known how amazing that is. In 8 short years I have lived on 4 different streets and in two different cities. I have met people and made friends. I have experienced more than I could have, had we have stayed in one spot. There are never regrets; I know I will always look back and enjoy the memories of each experience.
I don't know if we will stay or not. I don't think it really matters. My #fwp (first world problems) may seem dire to me, but I know that as long as I am surrounded by people I will be OK. And I know for sure that I am surrounded by incredible people. I know that as long as Keith, Tyson and Troy are nearby we will always be OK.
And I know that one day I will look back and know for sure that I did live the dream.
42.3
1 comment:
Love that you have been following your dreams, and adapting with the times and the stages of your life. So few of the human race actually try. Respect to you both.
Keep living the dreams darlin'. That is what living is all about.
Love and hugs always xxx
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