Becoming Pfeiffer

I first saw Keith at the Melrose Arch gym. The gym is attached to a hotel so frequented by international visitors. When we first laid eyes on each other I saw this well-built, tattooed skinhead who gave off a very straight air so I didn't pay him much attention. He thought I was a Spanish tourist. I then flew off to Vancouver to see my friends Merle and Sid get married and so disappeared for a few weeks. About a month later I saw him again at the same gym and according to Keith, this time he waited outside for me to come out, and after 45 minutes he gave up and left. Keith is prone to exaggeration (and impatience), I think he probably waited 5 minutes. 

These were the days after mIRC but before Grindr. We used Gaydar then and one day I was surfing the profiles and came across "cableguyza" who had a very familiar profile pic. I immediately messaged him and said "Remember me?". And boy did he; we had a dinner date planned within minutes. 

I arrived at the Thai Restaurant in Sandton Square and noticed that he smoked the same brand of cigarettes I have given up the previous year. It took me 11 years to get him to give those up. I think that dinner was good, I don't really remember. Afterwards he invited me back to his place and we were standing in line at the pay station when I turned back to him and said "Hey, what car do you drive?". He told me and I replied with "Meet me here, I'll follow you home". The guy behind him looked shocked, thinking I had just picked up this stranger while getting my parking ticket. I suppose he wasn't far off, I've done worse.

That was 12 years ago, and we've been together pretty much ever since. A few nights later I wasn't feeling well and cancelled plans to see Keith. Instead of accepting a rain check he invited me over and cooked me soup. I was stubbornly single at the time and this was in September. I was due to go to the Sydney Mardis Gras the following March with my friends Daniel and Adrian and there was no way I was tying myself to one guy. So I denied any form of relationship for the next 6 months even though we were together constantly and happily flew off to party in Australia. We did. It was amazing. And I called Keith every day to say "Hi!". I returned and declared myself to be "in a relationship". 

I started to meet Keith's friends who claimed that our relationship would not last a year. He started to meet mine who said that if we ever split up they would choose him over me. He introduced me to his family. This blog is for them. 

Kenneth: We used to visit Keith's older brother at his house in Hyde Park for the occasional lunch. It took me some time to get to know him. Ken was a straight oak who kinda intimidated me. But the more time we spent together the more I got to know him and love him. We share a love of scuba diving and one year went away to Mozambique together. I hadn't dived in a few years and Ken and I pretty much went out on a dive two or three times a day for a week. It reignited my love for being under water and it created a bond between us. Later on we went sky-diving together. When Keith had his stroke Ken got hold of me immediately and told me that no matter what, he would always look after me. We don't communicate often but when we are together it's like no time has passed. Nobody makes Oxtail like Ken does.

Dora: Doreen has told me from day one that I am her favorite. I don't care if she says that to the whole world, it makes me smile every time she says it. She used to make CD mixes full of music for Keith that I would steal and put in my car. I still have some of them. She was the first person to visit us in Toronto, she saw our first New Year in with us. She left her shoes at our house and Keith gave them away; I wonder if she's forgiven him? Doreen's art lines our offices in Johannesburg and our hallway in Toronto.

Traci: We met Traci shortly after Ken and she started dating. You couldn't find yourself a more genuine person if you tried. She makes me laugh, she spams me with silly emails, she calls me her brother. We have traveled together, we have cried together, we got stoned in Amsterdam together. If I thought Ken was intimidating when I first met him, I was yet to be introduced to her brother-in-law Jack; the gentlest giant, the warmest guy. And gorgeous Nicole, and Jess and Tristan who accept us without question.

Louis: Keith's nephew and I have a special relationship. I adore him (but don't tell him that). On any given day we are exchanging words that should never be written down. He has a sick, incredible sense of humour that I love. And he calls me Aunty Lolly. I think he wants to be like me when he grows up.

Nats: The most beautiful person inside and out. I once flew to New York to meet her and we painted the town red, green and blue. We almost licked a NYC Cop and we crashed a Drag Queen's Birthday Party. The family celebrated Louis and Natalie's wedding in Spain a few months before Keith and I emigrated to Canada. It was magical and beautiful. The wedding lasted a whole day; we had lunch, and speeches, and a wedding on the beach following by late night pizza in the sand. I cried that night because my heart was broken at having to say goodbye. They have since added Gabriella and Leah to the family mix and I love seeing their Instagram pics; and am sad that I'm not watching them grow up.

There are more, there's Nat's family in Alan and Louisa, and Brigitte and Michael (who I am still waiting to visit us in Canada) and Eric and Tammy. 

The hardest part about emigration is being split apart from the people that you love, and who love you. 

When I was younger I yearned to be able to sit around a huge table of family of my own and I found it when I met Keith. If I only get to experience it once a year, it's not enough, but its enough to last me a lifetime.

Last year we flew to South Africa to attend Ken and Traci's wedding. After that day I became the last one in the group that was not officially a Pfeiffer. People often ask me if Keith and I will ever get married and most of the time I laugh and make some snide comment about gay marriage. But the truth is that we aren't married because we don't need to be. 

I became a Pfeiffer a long time ago.  

This blog is dedicated to my family. I love you all.

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