Most of us had a best friend as a kid. It was the one person that knew all your secrets and who you hung out with the most. Sometimes there were two, but in that situation often one was a best best friend.
In school my best friend was Martin. This was not the same as my "special friend" my 75 year old Aunty Bessie referred to in my 20's. I left that school and moved to another city when I was 15. I made new best friends.
After University I met Neil. Initially I thought we may be "special friends" but casual foolery quickly turned to a strong and bonded friendship. While we were not a couple, we acted like one. We did everything together, we went to parties and clubs together, we laughed and cried together, we travelled together. For a very long time we spent every single night together hanging out either at his place or mine, drinking tea and eating aero.
As we got older, and moved into separate romantic relationships, the friendship remained strong but the nights of tea and aero waned. The dynamics of the best friend changed. While I knew a lot of people, I relied on a small group of friends for my needs; each giving me something important and of sustenance. As time passed and as our lives changed some of these extended across continents and time zones. These were my best friends. Still are.
When we moved to Toronto we only knew two or three people. I've always been relatively extroverted and so find it easy to meet people. And I've always needed people around me. Keith, on the other hand is happy and content with his own company, not needing large amounts of interaction. So this forced me to go out and meet people because I was lonely and I needed a tea and aero friend. I joined a spinning group, I went online, I stalked people with their dogs at the park. And so a new circle of friends formed. New best friends.
For a long time I missed the friends that were far away and often felt that the sense of history was missing. But then time passed and now I find myself surrounded by people with who I have a shorter but as intense history, friends that give me something important and of sustenance. At my age the one best friend isn't necessary, because the circle that surrounds me, both near and far, comprises all my best friends.
And with this maturity comes less of a need to meet people and an understanding that it is the connection that is important. I find myself content and almost uninterested in small talk with people with whom I have no connection. Often I face some relative stranger and watch their mouth moving but all I hear is screaming inside my head. I fantasize about screaming at them or just walking away. During a recent conversation with a stranger, while listening to him tell me about his properties, cars and overseas trips, I found myself wondering what would happen if I just vomited on him. I didn't, I just smiled and pretended to be interested.
Keith, on the other hand, doesn't pretend. He's known by many, cherished and loved, but when he's done, he's done. When a friend got married and was asked what time the wedding reception would end she replied "When Keith Pfeiffer goes home". That's not to say that he doesn't forge strong friendships but certainly not as quickly or as required as I do. He warms slowly but when he does he loves fiercely. He enjoys entertaining and always prefers travelling with friends. Having said that, he's often happiest at home doing his own thing. We've joked that we have so many TVs because we would otherwise have to talk to eachother. Once when his phone was dying Keith updated his Facebook status:
There are so many things in the world that are frightening. There are so many things that challenge us. And then there are our friends. For me, this is what makes all those frightening, challenging things go away. I am happiest when I am connected, sitting at a restaurant or lounging on the floor with my friends. I am happiest waving at the familiar face on the street, chatting to the people I know at the dog park or joking with my colleagues.
Feeling connected and needed nurtures me.
This blog is for all my best friends.
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