Threats of unfriending

Facebook has become the benchmark by which friendships are measured. There have been moments and conversations that have included the notion that if you are not Facebook friends, you are not friends. So much is said with a click. I like you, click "friend request". You annoyed me, I don't like your opinions, you post too much, "click unfriend" (yes, I'm sure).  Unfriending is not something I do. I've done it purposefully twice, once because of racist comments that I just could not condone and once because I was pissed. But the problem then is taking the risk that I am unable to stalk you if your security settings prevent non-friends from seeing shit. And that is just not acceptable to me.

Often I see someone announcing their intention to "clean up" and declare your luck if you are seeing "this message", because that means you made the cut. Sometimes I remember something or someone, or something about someone and go looking, only to find that we are (gasp!) no longer friends.

My friends Mitch & Mima are a young married couple and close friends of ours. We are all Facebook-connected. We always knew that it was only a matter of time that a baby's arrival would ruin our friendship.  And so I threatened early and often, of unfriending, should they fall pregnant. And then they did. And I didn't. 

She got bigger and closer to term and we were still Facebook friends. I decided that I would postpone the unfriending until she got to term because I wanted to still enjoy their company. At some point in time, my friend Christina & I tried our hardest to convince them to name their unborn child after us under the threat of unfriending. They didn't. We didn't either. 

And then along came Violet. The sweetest little goose. She joined us at brunch, she came over to play, we went for walks. She hangs out with us in the County and whenever I am in town I stop by for a snuggle and a selfie on my way to or from somewhere. I am in love with this kid. Keith and I fight about who will hold her, and who soothes her best. Christina and I fight about who gives her the better gifts. Mitch & Mima are amazing relaxed parents who have not let the goose's arrival significantly alter their lives in terms of spending time with their beloved Facebook friends. We don't give a hoot if Violet screams the restaurant down, but let any other person with a child interrupt our meal and I will friend and unfriend them immediately! My threats of unfriending now extend to what baby Violet will and will not be/do. There is nothing serious about my words, I want to see this kid grow up. I want to tell her stories and embarrass her in front of her boyfriends. Yet I still jokingly threaten as if a social media connection is what keeps us connected. I will never unfriend them.

I think that Facebook, and social media in general, is pretty amazing. When my friends started emigrating from South Africa we would lose touch. There would be occasional emails and letters or phone calls but the days flew by fast and the information was not always current. When I emigrated I had a very different experience, I posted pictures and updated my status, I watched the same of my friends and family that were far away and across time zones and felt connected. We were ever present in each others lives. And still are.

So for all the over sharing, and ridiculous posting, and crap that we have to sift through, there is something to be said about being a Facebook friend.

But don't piss me off. Because I will threaten to unfriend you. And if you are reading this then you are one of the lucky ones that avoided any clean up.

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