It's all about me

"My reason was entirely selfish. I wasn't thinking about my husband or my children, only myself."

"Well......good."

"Good?"

"Absolutely. It's when we imagine we know how others feel and presume to know what's best for them that mistakes are made. Whereas no one knows our needs better than us. Looking after number one's not as daft a policy as it sounds: make the only person happy that you can, let everyone else do the same and take care of themselves."

Woman with a Secret, Sophie Hannah

I was brought up with the notion that one should not be selfish; that the wellbeing of others should come first. I've always been the responsible one in many aspects of my life in terms of my family and friends. I am good at listening and I am good at working through an issue towards a solution. For this reason (I think) many people have leaned on me. There are times that I have come away from a conversation with someone and realized that we spoke about them the entire time, and wonder if I was even asked if I am OK. I usually am. But sometimes I want to be asked too. Luckily I have few friends that are that self-absorbed. 

I have a friend who feels the need to rescue everyone, who sees a psychological issue in every person, an anxiety caused by a childhood drama, an over zealousness caused by a need for love. I remind my friend that sometimes things just are they way they are. And nothing more than that. 

After my father died my mother (allegedly) tried to kill herself. My grandfather told her to keep it together because she had two young kids to look after. And from that day she did, but she didn't really want to. I look back and wish that she had been more selfish, way much more. I wish that she had taken an interest in herself, in her appearance, in dating. Maybe her life would be very different today. Or maybe she is as she should be. 

There is little that I ever want in terms of material need. Everything I want I have. Most of what I need comes in the form of emotional interaction. It took me a while but I learned at a relatively young age that I can put myself first without putting anyone else second. Soon after that I learned that I can also prioritize my needs over others in order to be able to compromise which is where making others happy comes into play. 

Keith is known by many as one who does not want to do what he doesn't want to do. We laugh at it, but he is the most content person I know. 

There is only one you. And it's all about you. But it's all about me too. 

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