When opposites attract

"Why do we choose partners so different from ourselves? It's not fate or chance or cliches like "the heart wants what it wants". We choose our partners because they represent the unfinished business from our childhood. And we choose them because they manifest the qualities we wish we had. In doing so, in choosing such a challenging partner, and working to give them what they need, we chart a course for our own growth."

I read this and wondered if it is really true. We aren't all the same, we don't act the same way so that should imply that the statement is true for some but not for all.

Along the same lines is the belief that when you are annoyed with someone it is because they are (or their behaviour is) a reflection of your self. Again, true sometimes but not always. It's enough to pause and think though, because when you do you may just realise something important.

Some partnerships are made to be, perfect compliments. Some are polar opposites that similarly perfectly compliment each other. Often what we see on the outside is not the same as what goes on, on the inside.

The most challenging part of a relationship is the fight. For many years Keith and I never fought. My previous boyfriend and I fought all the time, we screamed and shouted at each other, we slammed doors and even once used fists; it was a passionate interaction. I remember once being woken up in the middle of the night to shouting because he was upset and just couldn't wait till the morning to "discuss".

In the beginning I was afraid to fight with Keith, I didn't want our relationship to end. Over time I slowly learned that our foundation was strong enough to withstand a fight, and so I started to speak up. And so did he. We are both lucky that we communicate and we do it pretty well so major fights are generally unnecessary. There are a few things that we always fight over, and when the fight happens it often feels awful but we have learned how to deal with each other and always get over it. I have learned that when I am annoyed to hold my tongue, and then bring up the issue at a calmer time when we can discuss it like adults. I have learned that I can speak up if it's important enough to say. I am able to wait. Keith can't, he says what he needs to say when he feels it. Sometimes I respond well, other times I don't. We deal with it, we move on. Sometimes we bicker in front of friends, most of the time we play fight. Our nephew and niece, Louis and Natalie, have the funniest fights where they scream loving things at each other. Once, Keith had a dream about us fighting, and woke up upset with me. And proceeded to be upset with me for the rest of the day.

Keith and I are not the same, we are as different as we are alike. But we understand each other. I have certainly learned from him. He grounds me. And in many ways, he has given me the things I didn't have in my childhood.

But he is not my only partner. I have partners in each of the people that are a part of my life. And just like in a relationship we fight, we discuss and we learn from each other.

This is for all my partners, whose qualities I love and whose lessons I learn.
 
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