I read an interesting article today about resolutions, written in terms of gay men and this paragraph made me pause:
Calm Down on Gay Marriage Already
"Gay Marriage" is for straight people. Commitments between homos have existed for a very long time. We just needed the straight community to recognize them, to give us the law and money we deserved, but that's it. The road to that legal victory should be celebrated but we didn't get anything new. However, as an army of concerned mothers prepare to ask us why we haven't settled down yet, now's a good time to examine what "marriage" means to us and our couplings, past cutesy viral marriage proposal videos. Can we take a moment to consider what it really means for two horny, territorial men to make a commitment that exists by its own rules and needs?
There are naturally a bunch of comments after the article, mostly negative and many in support of gay marriage. Anyone that knows me well has heard me rant often about my feelings on this topic. I get it, I get why it's important to so many people. It's just not for me.
Maybe it's because I've never been a conformist. Being gay automatically made me different from the perceived norm. And I am extremely comfortable in who I am. So why would I want to become part of the perceived norm? Why would I want to fight to be exactly like those that i am not? Being different is exactly what I celebrate. Yet why does the perceived norm not apply to everyone? Without having to ask for it, fight for it, or come out about it?
I have many friends who are staunch activists in whatever it is they believe in. I have vegetarian friends that shove pictures of dead animals down my Facebook throat, I have feminist friends who moan about misogyny, I have gay friends who spam me with new LGBT causes. But these are things that are important to them. It's just not for me.
I am lucky. I didn't have to struggle to come out. I didn't lose friends or family. Nobody treated me differently then or now by virtue of who I am. I run no risk of losing everything should anything happen to Keith because his family recognize who I am. And so does Canada. I've been bashed once, but it was no different to being beaten up at school by a bully. It happened. I got over it.
I am totally committed to my relationship. I don't need a piece of paper, a ceremony or a law to change what it means to me. I suspect that if I were a straight man it is very likely that I would still not feel a need to be married. And so I realize that the issue for me is not a gay or straight one. It's a concept one. It's about who I am, what I need, what's important to me. I should stop saying that gay people shouldn't get married (though I should be allowed my opinion), and rather say that I don't believe in marriage. Now don't get all huffy, my LGBT-cause friends. Gay people can get married, it's allowed, and I support it. I speak with jest. I can't help poke a little fun at the seriousness, because sometimes it's just too much.
Nothing is forever. I may still change my mind though Keith has given up proposing and listening to my resultant laughter. I have been a meat eater all my life and suddenly I am struggling to eat it. I am less tolerant in some things and more in others. I will continue to read about your causes and struggles and while I never comment publicly will likely still opine or judge and remain your friend even if we feel differently.
Because in reality, not abnormal is the new norm.
3 comments:
Hey La. I often wonder why I was so insistent that Riaan and I should get married.It was never a question that we would be together for a very long time. I know that having grown up with parents quite a bit older than those of friends, I had imposed on me the fear of the stigma of being a spinster or worse- an "old maid". I can honestly say that our relationship feels mo different. I kept my owm name and Riaan's family had accepted their weird, english speaking, jewish sister/daughter in law a long time before the ceremony. I would remarry for one reason only- that is because I was fat as hell at the ceremony. So maybe R and I can renew our vows and I'll get in shape so that I can look hot in that most odious of family pics - the wedding shot ;-)
Hey La. I often wonder why I was so insistent that Riaan and I should get married.It was never a question that we would be together for a very long time. I know that having grown up with parents quite a bit older than those of friends, I had imposed on me the fear of the stigma of being a spinster or worse- an "old maid". I can honestly say that our relationship feels mo different. I kept my owm name and Riaan's family had accepted their weird, english speaking, jewish sister/daughter in law a long time before the ceremony. I would remarry for one reason only- that is because I was fat as hell at the ceremony. So maybe R and I can renew our vows and I'll get in shape so that I can look hot in that most odious of family pics - the wedding shot ;-)
When I hit 30, I became obsessed with getting married to my then boyfriend of 5 years. I caved to all of my (self imposed) social pressures and in turn pressured him to marry me. It was the stupidest thing I ever did. Our relationship changed after marriage and ultimately did not survive. I've been with my current spouse for ten years now and have no intention of again "tying the knot". Our children are a lifetime commitment above and beyond any ceremony or piece of paper.
Post a Comment