The apology is an interesting thing. There are people that use it so frequently that it loses meaning and effect. There are those that don't use it at all. An apology is seen as a matter of etiquette, erasing all wrong-doing and cleaning the slate. In Judaism one asks for forgiveness of those that you may have wronged. One does this around the time of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. According to tradition, you are to ask for forgiveness three times, be refused twice and accepted on the third. If denied, the forgiveness becomes automatic and the person saying No assumes full responsibility. The intention is that nobody should be denied the opportunity to make things right. Everyone is entitled to a second chance. But is a simple "sorry" enough? The idea that something is unforgivable implies that there would be no point ever apologizing again.
We used to have private conversations. We used to be able to give an opinion that did not extend beyond a circle of friends or colleagues. Having an opinion should be OK. But in today's world the right to opine on anything, everything and in public has become the norm. I watch American TV shows like Drs. Phil and Drew or Nancy Grace and often stare in disbelief at the public crucifixion.
Today one runs the risk of saying something in a tweet or Facebook status that can be shared across the globe. Today you can be filmed doing something that can end up on the news. It happened to Toronto's previous Mayor. An executive flying from the US to South Africa tweeted a derogatory comment about AIDS and become a trending hashtag while in the air, landing in Johannesburg oblivious to the outrage, and the fact that she was now unemployed. I'm watching the new right now here a cricketer has had to publicly apologize for asking a reporter out on a date during an interview. I didn't see the interview so can't really comment but haven't we become totally unreasonable as to what is and what isn't OK?
More recently, a woman in South Africa posted a racist comment on Facebook that has gone viral, that is being debated and argued, that may result in legal action, that someone who she has never met and likely won't ever, is blogging about.
All of these people in some form issue an immediate apology, usually via the same method that got them into trouble in the first place. And they are rarely accepted the first time. I often watch the celebrity or politician standing up in front of the news networks reading a well-written and obviously heartfelt apology and wonder if that's how they really feel. They do it because we demand it, because it makes us feel better to hear it, otherwise they will lose their status and sponsorship or place in office. Often we forgive, sometimes we don't. A designer has never worked again because they grabbed a boob on the red carpet in jest, politicians will never work again for sexting. Did these acts make them bad at their job? Or do we hold them accountable for the things we all say and do, as if their apology absolves us of our own sin?
There is no doubt that there are things that should never be said or done. But we are humans, we are different. We make mistakes. We fall. We should be allowed to express ourselves in private and we should be less idiotic and not post things in public forums that wreak havoc on lives.
But when we do so, we should apologize because we want to, not because we are forced to. If we don't, so be it. If we do, may we be forgiven.
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