Troy

Keith and I had been dating for a few months when he decided he wanted a dog and the dog had to be a Golden Retriever. He found a breeder and we went off one day to choose a puppy. As we approached the cage filled with tiny fluff balls Keith spotted two lone pups out of the corner of his eye and asked about them. I can't remember the exact response, I think it was that they had gotten too old and everyone wanted puppies. They were brothers, around 4 or 5 months old and Keith said "I want that one". And "that one" came to forever be known as Troy.

I don't think I've ever known more gentle and yet strange boy. What Retriever hates water? What Retriever cannot catch a ball nor has any interest in bringing it back to you? What Retriever wants chocolate over steak?

Troy came with us from South Africa, joining Dexter and Jessie in their new home. Being the third child he was always left to his own devices. He loved the cold so preferred to sleep with his nose under a door than snuggled up to a warm body. In South Africa he would spend the entire night sleeping outside on the grass. He loved people more than dogs, so much so that if left to his own devices he would follow certain people from the park. I remember having to run off and retrieve HIM many times!

There are too many moments to share, too many stories to tell, too many photos and videos that I am so thankful for because he will never be forgotten. How do you write about someone that has been a part of your life every single day for 14 years?

Today we bid the gentlest soul I have ever known farewell. It was a decision not taken lightly, there was nothing easy about this and yet at the same time it is a privilege and a gift to have been able to do it. It's been more than 2 years since Troy was rushed to the emergency vet with internal bleeding from a ruptured tumour. After that surgery we begged him to stay with us for one more summer despite being told he may not live past three or four months. He stayed around for a lot more than that.

We said goodbye at home, it was peaceful. I have never heard him snore that loud.

Our hearts are shattered. Goodbye golden boy. I will miss you forever. 

Content

Family means different things to different people. For me, for the longest time, family were my friends and Keith's people. Those who know me well know why and I’ve written about it in various posts. Despite not having much blood family around me one existed in Israel in the form of an aunt (my dad’s sister), her two kids, their 5 kids, their 7-ish kids, their spouses and partners. They were there but I stayed away, for no real reason at all. Well, not one that matters anyway.

After I turned 40 I started to yearn to know more about my father and his history so one day I googled him and his father just to see if anything came up. Much to my surprise I stumbled across a pretty extensive family tree online.  I joined the tree and started adding some of my own info and got in touch with one of the admins who happened to be one of the 5 above. We soon connected on Facebook and so started the family reconnection.

One day an email from my aunt arrived, in her usual style, inviting me to visit but only if I actually remembered that I even had an aunt. She went on to say that if I loved Keith then so did she and he should come too. From then on I nagged Keith to go to Israel. It took a while but we finally went in May last year, joined by our friends Brooke and Christina. It was an incredible experience, there are few words to describe it. Not only did I remember how much I loved Israel, we were all welcomed with open arms. I heard the stories about my dad that I had longed to hear, we sat in the sun in a park and shared laughs at our similar traits and mannerisms,

and I sat at a table of more than 10 people who were related to me by blood for the first time in my life.

It took 43 years.

After I went home I quit my job and joined a new company who just happened to have a large office in Israel. And so I found myself on a plane back to Tel Aviv 5 months later. My aunt had a stroke two weeks before I arrived and I was devastated at the thought of not being able to speak to her again, or to receive a WhatsApp message asking if I had forgotten that she existed (the Jewish guilt was strong!). On the plane on the way over I watched the movie Lion, a story about family reuniting; the emotions resonated strongly with me.

My aunt was strong, her face glowed when she saw me. My cousins embraced me, we ate and drank and shared stories and we said “till next time” when I left.

My aunt passed away this week. There won't be a next time. But life is not worth living if full of regret. I am sad for the years that were lost yet I am grateful for the moments that I gained. I will always be able to remember her voice, read her WhatsApp messages to me and take comfort in knowing that I told her I did remember (love) her. And with that, I am content.

con·tent¹

kənˈtent/

adjective

1. 1. 

   in a state of peaceful happiness.

   
   

   "he seemed more content, less bitter"

   
   

   synonyms:

   contented, satisfied, pleased, gratified, fulfilled, happy, cheerful, glad; More

verb

1. 1. 

   satisfy (someone).

   
   

   "nothing would content her"

   
   

   synonyms:

   satisfy, please; More

noun

1. 1. 

   a state of satisfaction.